I find it intriguing that our industry focuses primarily on how people learn and how to develop them to perform in certain ways and be successful, but there’s very little discussion in our day-to-day practice about how to help people “unlearn”. What if the things people have learned about themselves, about their team, or even about their company is impeding their success?

A wise mentor said to me once “helping others unlearn the negative stories they have told themselves is one of the most liberating things you can do” whether that be stories about the workplace, individuals they work with, or whether it’s more personal in nature. Often times, as workplace learning professionals, we are so skilled at learning things that we forget to stop and ask ourselves if what we are learning is actually good for us. We all have a desire to be successful, so we often learn things in order to be rewarded and recognized, to validate (justify) our actions, to navigate through politics, or even just to survive difficult situations. And in those efforts, we believe that success at work “requires” you to be the loudest voice complaining in the room, or to sound the alarm bells and act like everything is a crisis, or to target an individual as “the problem” and look for situations or behaviors to support this theory. We create labels for people who are difficult or challenging, then we react strongly to anything they say. We tell ourselves that we’re doing these behaviors for the sake of our team, our customers, or to support our soap box, then, sadly, we get into the trap of confirmation bias, where all we see are things that confirm our conclusions, neglecting to pay attention to any information that might disprove our beliefs or behaviors. We rarely stop to consider, “how will leaders in the organization view me if I continue in this way?” or “could these beliefs derail my career?” or even “how are these beliefs impacting my health?” In other words, we never stop to consider the grave consequences of our negative stories.

So how do we unlearn these stories that may be harmful to our careers or our health, especially when we’ve convinced ourselves that they are necessary for success or survival? A few years ago, my colleagues called me the “paradigm shifter” because I would urge them, coach them and implore them to begin each training class with a paradigm shifting exercise at the start of every session—so I gained quite a reputation for this type of approach. As professionals in the talent development field, we are often called to shift the way people think about something before we can ask for a behavior change. In this same way, in order to unlearn things, and behave in new ways, you have to shift your own paradigm. Often, you need to step away from it, look at it from a different angle and gain new insights. Sometimes this can be done through a conversation with a trusted friend or mentor whom isn’t part of the situation. Sometimes it can be done through team activities or off-sites where you get to know each other at a deeper level. Sometimes it can be done by attending networking events and having a conversation with a stranger. Decide that you no longer want to be caught in the trap of confirmation bias and seek ways to shift your paradigm. Change your negative stories about your work, the difficult people in your life, or the personal situation you may be facing. I’d love to hear from you about what you uncover in the process. Write me at: president@atdpugetsound.org.

Listen with curiosity. Shift paradigms. Be brave and lead.

Warmly,

Nicole Forward
President